Abigail Esther

Abigail Esther

Abigail means “Father’s Joy”

Born on 8 October 2016 at 1:01 in the morning

8 pounds and 8 ounces of perfect newborn squish

21 inches long


Since he was our first child, I fully expected John-Paul to arrive late. He arrived one day early. Having a second child, I expected her to arrive even earlier, especially since at my 38 weeks appointment I was 3 centimeters dilated and 80% effaced (and I felt so much pressure from her sitting so low in my pelvis). But kids, they never quite do what you expect, am I right?

Mama Heidi/Mimi arrived on October 2 and was scheduled to leave the 10. As my due date approached and passed, I started to feel anxious about not having our little girl before my mom left. I knew there was nothing I could do about it! I knew it would all be ok! I knew worrying was useless and unproductive! But worriers gonna worry. I so wanted my mom to be here for the big moment (and for peace of mind that I could leave on a moment’s notice and my mom would be here with JP). Trying to push the what-ifs out of my mind, Josh and Mama started taking me on frequent walks throughout the week, trying to get labor going.

What helped me the most is that I tried to remember that these moments with JP and Josh and Mom were precious and important. I didn’t want to wish the time away.


Isn’t his haircut ridiculously adorable? I digress.

After a day of contractions with no pattern or progression and lamenting “She’s never going to come out!” and “Is there even a baby in there? Maybe it’s just a watermelon?” and “I’m going to be the first human being to have a year long gestation!” labor kicked in. (I know. SO dramatic for a woman that is only ONE DAY past her due date. Mamas that go two weeks past their dates…bless ye.) I was just wrapping up some messages with Greta (Mod 7 forever) and it was about 8:45. My back started aching like it did when I was in early labor with JP. It was a slight shift, but I knew things were changing. Within the hour my contractions went from mild and 7 minutes apart to over 1 minute long and less than 3 minutes apart.

I thought I’d labor at home for a long time, but at 10:10 Josh and I decided we didn’t have time to spare. Our little lady decided to make haste! After what felt like the longest drive of my life, gripping the seats and trying to breathe as the contractions piled on top of one another…we arrived. After a very painful check in (why are you asking me all these questions right now?! Didn’t we fill out a pre-admission form for a reason?!) we were taken in to triage…which is a whole thing in itself because I was going to the natural birth center within the hospital and because I was in active labor I shouldn’t have gone to triage…but there we were. We waited for ten excruciating minutes as country music blared through the room (WHO CHOSE THIS MUSIC? NO ONE IS SOOTHED BY THIS). When a nurse finally asked “Is anyone helping you…?” we were assisted and the ball got rolling. I made it clear in no uncertain terms that I did NOT want to be checked and that I wanted to go over to Family Beginnings, stat. It was about 11pm when we got in the room, and I was already at a pain level that I wanted to hop into the tub for some hydrotherapy.


The pain got so intense and the timeline starts to blur in my memory. From this point on I remember things in general segments, having no idea how long things actually took. I know I was in the tub for a while, until I got to the point where the contractions caused me to feel like I had to throw up and the hot water made me feel worse. I got out of the water and tried some different positions, like leaning over an egg shaped ball while Josh or the nurse applied counter pressure to help with my overwhelming back labor. I was on the bed for a while I think? I know at some point I got up and sitting on the toilet and leaning forward helped relieve some of the pain. Then I felt an immense pressure in my lower back/rectum and I collapsed back onto the bed. I knew intellectually that some sort of squatting position would be better, allowing gravity to help  bring our baby into the world, but that wasn’t going to happen. Because my labor happens primarily in my lower back, I felt as if my legs were paralyzed (they obviously weren’t, but they couldn’t bear my weight at this point). Shaking, I looked at Josh and said “If I’m not close, I want an epidural.” The nurse knew I was serious as a heart attack and she went out of the room to get my midwife, Neva. Neva, the calmest person in the world, checked me and told me I was 9.5 cms (10cms is when you’re ready to push). Although the pain rolled over me in continuous, almost unbearable waves, knowing I was so close made a world of difference. I still held onto the fear that I’d push for three hours like I did with John-Paul. I was afraid of tearing, too. But fear is useless and birth presses forward. I felt the urge to push. Neva told me to trust my body and away we went. I pushed and cried out that I couldn’t do it. I remember bits of their coaching – “grab your legs and curl into your legs with the contraction.” “Push all the way through the contraction.” “You can do it. You’re close now.”

Birth is crazy because you cannot quit. No matter how badly it hurts or how you feel you can no longer go on, you have to. Your body spurs you on passed your perceived limitations. I think that’s part of why birth, and in particular natural/low intervention birth, feel so empowering. Josh, Neva and Ashley (the nurse) all calmly told me I could do it and that I was close. I heard the same encouraging mantras over the course of three hours with JP, so I didn’t believe them when they told me I was close. I said don’t tell me that! I’m not close! Neva told me to reach down and feel the baby’s head, but I didn’t because another contraction came on. I don’t know how long it was but I felt that “ring of fire” and knew I was pushing the baby’s head through, and then the feeling of release and knowing her head was out. I paused in between the contractions. Knowing her head was out, I expected to hear her cry, but that’s not the case! With the next couple contractions her shoulders and body came through and then that beautiful scream of new life.


They placed her directly on my chest and allowed her cord to stop pulsing before Josh cut it. If I remember correctly, I kept announcing, “She’s here! She’s here! I can’t believe she’s here!” You dream about this little person for so long and then they come crashing into your world…naked, screaming and precious.

All in all, Abby’s birth took about 4 1/2 hours. After which we enjoyed a magical hour with our girl. At Family Beginnings, they encourage immediate skin to skin bonding between mama and baby. They do not take the baby away to measure or clean before you’ve had time to bond and try breastfeeding. When they do the measurements, they do it right next to your bedside and never take the baby out of the room. Additionally, you get to stay in your room that has a nice big bed and recover. No getting shuffled around and there’s plenty of room for daddy to sleep comfortably as well. Instead of sending the baby to a nursery, the baby sleeps in a co-sleeper bassinet right along side the bed. Family Beginnings truly helped us have the birth we desired (with the peace of mind that we could be taken down the hall to regular L&D/NICU if any complications came up!).

Having kids is challenging. Some days are really hard.  When people ask me about motherhood, I try to paint a realistic picture because I don’t want to romanticize and create unrealistic expectations for new moms out there. Some people have said “you make motherhood sound awful!” But motherhood is alot like this birth story or any birth story. It’s a labor of love. Labor means WORK. Motherhood is hard work and some days are downright painful. But look at the joy and the love we receive. Look at that precious face! Look at that unique, unrepeatable body and soul that God entrusts to us. No matter how hard it is, no matter how much I pour out…I’ve already received much more than I could ever give.

Abigail Esther Dill, you are a joy, daughter! We are so glad you’re here. Welcome to the family!



Kids Aren’t Expensive, But That Other Thing Sure Is

This House Is Our Home


My husband and I have always wanted a lot of kids. (Of course, “a lot” is a relative term, depending what your social circles look like, but for the purpose of this post, we’re going to call “a lot” more than 3. Ha.) Over the last 6 years, when we’ve made our feelings known, we’ve often been met with one particular phrase: Kids are so expensive!!

Well, on the one hand, I suppose they are. Depending on your particular situation – medical bills, dental care, school tuition, etc. all definitely add up. So I’m not trying to be flippant with what I’m about to say, but I do think it’s an important distinction to be made when one is saying how “expensive” children are.

Kids aren’t expensive. Greed is.

Kids don’t “need” designer clothes, Etsy outfits, brand new everything, more shoes than they can wear before they grow out of…

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Pieces // Amanda Cook

Since becoming a mom, I am so behind the times when it comes to music. I pretty much listen to Raffi, Disney and talk radio (I don’t hate it). Every once in a while, I’ll catch a gem that I missed out on. Josh introduced me to this song last night:


Powerful. Last night and today as I reflect on the lyrics, I realize how much I parcel out my love in pieces, afraid of what it would cost to give my love unreservedly in one whole gift. It’s risky to love without limits. It makes you vulnerable before everyone. I realize how, in my own brokeneness, I feel unworthy to receive such a complete, unearned love…but that God gives it anyway, patiently waiting as I learn to receive more and more of him. I know in my heart that this is the kind of love I want to give to my husband and my children, but I’ll never be able to do so perfectly in this life time. And loving my enemies or people who annoy or inconvenience me with such a brave love? How do I even begin? I thank God that his love is that big, that complete, that perfect…because where I inevitably fall short, he will make up for it tenfold. I can ask Him to help me grow in both giving and receiving this wild, selfless, radical love and to not be afraid.

For love to be real, it must cost; it must hurt; it must empty us of self. – Saint Teresa of Kolkata


Waiting on Sissy

We’re less than 2 months out from the arrival of our little girl and our expansion to a family of four. John-Paul remains enamored with my rotundness that is his sister. We refer to her as “Sissy” (or as JP calls her “Seeeessssyyyyy”) and I think he is starting to connect Sissy with being a baby, but this kid probably will still be in for the shock of his life.

Although JP had quite the attitude on the day of our family photos, I’m so glad that we captured this moment in time… these extra special moments with John-Paul as we eagerly await his sister. (and some serious props to our photographer, Ashley Mauro, for her kind patience and mad photog skills!) I think we often operate in the mentality of scarcity – will there be enough love to go around? When really, love multiplies with each new life that joins our family. We love each other of course, and we love John-Paul. And now our baby girl will have parents to love and cherish her, plus she will have a big brother to love her (and  pinch her and poke her). And hopefully she loves all of us back😉

Yes, children are a ton of work. Yes, it will feel like I have less time. Yes, I will have my hands full with two littles. Yes, I will be SO TIRED.  But as my favorite tote bag says: Hands Full, Heart Full. My prayer is to move from this mentality of “there’s not enough to go around!” and move into “Look how much love we have to give!”

Fort Wayne, Indiana

Slippery, slippery time. What has it been…three, four months since my last post? Between the throes of a rough pregnancy and adjusting to life in our new location, it’s been a bit of a whirlwind. The days aren’t particularly busy, but taking care of a toddler who wants to be on top of the keyboard and mouse isn’t very conducive to writing. Plus the last couple months I’ve usually opted for a nap during JP’s nap time. No regrets.

Instead of trying to catch you up on the day to day minutiae of our daily routine, I’m going to jump back to Easter when Mama Heidi, Nana and Poppy came to visit. It was Nana’s first time visiting! And it was extra special to have all three of them at once. We filled our days with baking and cooking German food, an Easter feast and of course, desserts. We relaxed, too! One big highlight was our day trip to Fort Wayne, Indiana. Poppy spent the first 16 years of his life in Fort Wayne (they moved to CA when he was 16) and this was his first time back since he was a teen. Living so far away, he thought he’d never see his old stomping grounds again. But lo and behold, we’re only few hours drive and we knew we just had to visit. Click through the photos to read the captions for details. It’s laundry and rest time for me!

Eleven Years.


Eleven years ago today we met and it was love at first realizing we had the same haircut.

No, but really. It was as close as it gets to love at first sight (despite the tumultuous road ahead). The first 6 years seemed to go so slow with all the long distance phone calls and letter writing…but the last 4 1/2 have flown by in a whirl of joy. Cliché is my name, but there is no one I’d rather endure the stress of moving, adjusting to new parenthood and feeling homesick with than you. And certainly no one I’d rather share the joy of laughing through life and watching a child grow and learn with than you.

Whatever souls are made of, yours and mine are the same.

February 5 posts of yesteryear.




Back to it & Top 10 Vegetarian Meals

I finally have some head space and some free time to sit down and write again (most of the boxes are unpacked and I am feeling semi-not crazy) But more importantly…CAMP PATTON RESURRECTED HER BLOG. It’s true. And I honestly won’t be offended in the slightest if you skip on right over to that link because Grace is queen. And her 5 adorable children are impossibly cute. As you can see, my girls and I had all the feels about her return:


*wiping away joy tears* Anyways! For a couple months now, Josh and I have eaten mostly vegetarian. There are several good reasons, but the primary one is that animal agriculture significantly impacts the environment (and not for the good). Wanting to reduce our carbon footprint, we decided to try and limit our meat to 1-2 times a week and reduce the dairy we consume. So we’ve been expanding our menu a bit and it’s going really well! Whether you’re interested in going more vegetarian or just need some new meatless meals in your rotation for Lent (Ash Wednesday is February 10!) here are a few of our favorites:

Dilly Stew: This one caught my eye for the name (married name Dill, maiden name Steward) and it’s delicious. Even Josh said “Wow! I don’t even miss meat in this meal!”

Fried chickpea pitas with lime tzatziki I seriously eat this for most of my lunches.

Cheesy butternut squash ziti: Not healthy in any way, shape or form! But I added a bunch of veggies to it to make myself feel better – and it was even tastier!

Baked Tortellini: I used mushroom raviolis and some homemade spaghetti sauce. #pastaforever

Black bean chili: This is this easiest chili recipe ever and super quick and yummy.

Tofu tacos: Make sure you press the tofu or you’ll have some very watery tacos! I used this homemade taco seasoning on ours. Honestly, it kind of felt like a breakfast burrito because the tofu has an egg like texture when crumbled. Still good! I didn’t mind! But you can also season the tofu and fry it in cubes instead of crumbling it like a ground meat.

Mediterranean grain salad: I used quinoa and it was great.

One Pot Wonder Pasta: One of Josh’s faves

Spaghetti squash bake: No link for this one, and no pics either. Cook the spaghetti squash like you normally would (for more than two people, use 2 squashes!). While that’s baking in the oven, sauté onions and garlic for a few minutes and then add in whatever veggies you want! Broccoli, zuchinni, carrots, spinach, kale, grape tomatos, brussel sprouts, etc. Obviously if you use spinach or tomatoes (or other delicate veggies) add those last and only sauté for a couple minutes. Set aside. When the spaghetti squash is done, pull out the “noodles” as usual and put in a large bowl. Add vegetables to bowl with spaghetti squash. Toss together and drizzle with olive oil and your favorite seasonings (I usually keep it basic with salt, pepper and maybe some onion powder). Put into large baking dish and bake at 350 for 20-30 minutes. This is also awesome with sausage, if you’re not vegetarian.

Homemade pizzas: I get my favorite fresh dough from a local grocery store (sadly, it’s closing!!) and make an olive oil sauce (2 TBPS olive oil, 1-2 cloves minced garlic and desired amount of salt, oregano, basil and white ground pepper). Then we add yellow onions chopped small, mozzarella, a green (spinach, basil and/or kale) and tomatoes. Delicious! If you’re feeling fancy, add some gruyere and sub shallots for the yellow onion.

Do you have favorite vegetarian meals for your daily menu or for Lent?


2015 Annual Christmas Letter

Dearest Family and Friends,

Happy Advent and Merry Christmas! We sent out cards and posted this letter a couple of weeks earlier than usual because we are moving! We wanted to get our cards out before the move and to make sure you had our new address. Our official move out date is December 10. If we are on your list for Christmas cards, and you plan to have it arrive after December 10, please send it to our new home in Ohio (address is on our Christmas card, or feel free to email me if you need it). We’re very excited for our move! Because we were in State College for so short a time and because that time coincided with the whirlwind of being first time parents, it was difficult to plant roots. Knowing we will live in Ohio for 3 years gives us hope of getting more settled. We also bought a house! So being first time homeowners adds to the excitement. If you find yourself roaming around Ohio, please give us a call! It would be our pleasure to host you.

Around this time each year, it’s pretty customary that people examine what they are grateful for. We’ve been talking about that a bit, and felt inspired by these reflections from Blessed is She. Even though this year has proved a challenging one as we transitioned into parenthood, we feel immense gratitude for Christ’s mercy, a loving family, a healthy child, good friends, a warm and peaceful home and good food. (We are also grateful that Josh finished his thesis!) We remember in our prayers those who are lonely, suffering and lacking the life’s most basic needs. We pray especially for those who fear for their lives as they flee from terrorism and violence. We pray for all those who died at the hand of hatred, in our own country and abroad, this past year and for their loved ones. I know that bringing up reflections on violence isn’t the usual tone or customary form for a Christmas letter… but as the darkness of the world seems to press in on all sides, it reminds me of how desperately we need the light of Christ. We need His eternal lamp to shine out and be our “light in the dark of winter and light for the blind who stumble in an often bleak world,” so that even on the darkest days, filled with anxieties of daily life and despair from the world around us, we can dare to hope in the great promise: love and eternal life with Jesus (Daniel Stewart).

Thank you, God! Help us to receive the Christ Child, His holy Mother and Saint Joseph into the home of our hearts. In turn, Lord, may we remain open and loving to those in need of our love, time and material goods. May we give of our wealth freely knowing that all we have is a gift. Help us to go to and comfort the afflicted rather than feeling uncomfortable in their presence. May we remember that you, too, fled from violence and lived in a foreign land as a child and help us respond to those seeking refuge with compassion. May we be your light!

Come, Holy Spirit. Enkindle in us the fire of Your love. Amen.

May your Advent and Christmas be holy and blessed.

Love and prayers,

The Dills


If you would like to see what we were up to this year, here are links to the blog archives for 2015:

I thought…

I thought that I’d have an all-natural, no intervention birth and then I didn’t. And it was still beautiful.

I thought we’d never get the hang of breastfeeding, but after weeks of pumping, exhaustion, tears, lactation consultations, nipple shields, nipple butter and some growth….we made it through and I’m still breastfeeding at 12 1/2 months.

I seriously thought that I would never stop leaking milk all over my clothes when I even THOUGHT about nursing John-Paul. But eventually that stopped and my laundry pile was a little smaller and my clothes less wet.

I thought I’d never be able to breastfeed with ease in public places, but we do now and it ain’t no thang.

I thought to myself, “How will I ever, ever, ever manage to cook and clean and do anything else besides sit on the couch and take care of John-Paul?” But as time goes on, we’re able to balance more.

I thought we’d have to lug him around in that ever-awkward-to-carry infant carrier forever and ever and ever, but that stopped. And he’s outgrown his first carseat.

I thought I couldn’t be more thrilled than I was when JP first smiled…but then each milestone proved ever sweeter.

I thought I’d never get the hang of the wrap or the sling, but with some good youtube videos and an extremely kind stranger at Target…I can wear JP.

I thought that I just might die when I had to fly alone with John-Paul across the country. It was exhausting, but we did it! and then we flew alone again 2 more trips out west.

I thought I wouldn’t know what to do with JP once he outgrew his rock’n’ play. Where would I put him when I cooked or needed to do something? But he outgrew it and we adjusted.

What about when he outgrew his bumbo? His Johnny Jump Up? His exersaucer? What would I do with him then? (I didn’t learn it the first time) We adjusted.

I thought teething would never end, but after four long months JP finally caught a break. And we got a little sleep.

I thought that it would be so long until he sat up, and sometimes it certainly felt long…but he sat up and changed my life by being able to sit in the grocery cart.

I thought I’d never see an 8 hour (or please, just six) stretch of sleep again in my life, but recently we’ve had a much more tolerable sleep schedule. Thank you, son.

It seemed like forever until JP learned to “crawl” (it was a slither for a couple months…) but now he’s so quick and I can barely go into the kitchen without him crawling off into some mischief.

And then before I could even think he was standing up, scooching around the couch and responding to things we said.

I thought I could imagine the love I’d feel for my child before we had John-Paul, but I realize now I couldn’t fathom the depths of the love I’ve felt grow each day since we found out we were pregnant. John-Paul stretches my heart to contain love I never knew was possible. Sometimes it’s easy to look back and think, “Gosh life was so much easier before we had a kid!” and it’s true, life was much easier, much more convenient. This last year has pushed me to many limits, and I often still feel overwhelmed, anxious and very uncertain about what the heck I’m doing as a parent. Even though many days I have dark circles, greasy hair and feel exhausted…life is full with John-Paul. He gives our family life and deepens our love. Through his total dependence on us, he challenges us to be less selfish, more giving. John-Paul, we are thankful for you!


One Year.


A few days late, but better late than never! Happy birthday, JP! What a year it has been. Even though we’ve lived the majority of it through a haze of exhaustion and baggy eyes, there is nothing that compares to having you in our family. And since you can’t remember these beautiful moments, I made a little 9 minute video in fast forward for you to look back and see your first year of life.

At One Year…

You’re not quite walking, but you totally could if you wanted to! But you’re content crawling and scooching around the edges of all the furniture.

You love to crawl in the cupboards and pull everything out.

All of a sudden you no longer want to spend time in the bath, so it has to be a very quick operation.

Still not really sleeping. Someday when I’m trying to wake up your teenage self, please remember that you kept your dear, sweet mother up for pretty much a year straight. Even steven.

You still have 8 teeth, no more yet!

You love to read books. Right now Animals, Baby Signs, Dear Zoo and Goodnight Moon are your favorites. You’re so good at opening the flaps in Dear Zoo and you love to touch the Mouse and little House in Goodnight Moon.

You love to sit up and look at everything when we go on walks and you’re in your stroller. You used to sleep, but now you’re so excited to observe the world around you.

You like to point to EVERYTHING in the grocery store. You USUALLY don’t get mad when you don’t get what you want😉

You’re still soothed by children’s music and are happier entertaining yourself with music playing.

On your birthday your Grammy Heidi and I tried to take pictures of you at the State College Arboretum, but you weren’t having it. We set you down and your promptly crawled away and didn’t look back! (this terrifies me for when you start walking and running…)

When you came downstairs for your birthday party you got so excited and couldn’t believe all the people were at your house – big smiles and limbs flailing! You wanted to grab all the kids and play/wrestle them….especially Lucas!

John-Paul, you are a joy. We love you so much, son. We thank God for the blessing of your life and every moment we’ve gotten to spend with you. Know that we’re always here for you, for all of our days. We are praying for you! May you be blessed and grow in knowledge and love of the Lord.

Pope Saint JP II, pray for us!