Well. I tend to try and embrace the awkward as awesome, so I’m not going to separate these out. I’ll let you choose for yourself whether you think my little experiences to be awkward, awesome or a combination of the two.
1. HABEMUS PAPAM! We have a pope! Yesterday when the white smoke came out of the chimney of the Sistine Chapel, my cell phone started blowing up, people got on our intercom system yelling “WHITE SMOKE, WHITE SMOKE!” I paged and the staff, “LET’S GO RING THE CHURCH BELLS!” and within a matter of seconds, my 6/7 months pregnant co-worker and I started briskly walking/jogging toward the front of the Church to ring the bells. While you may be imagining me rocking the bells Quasi Modo style, it’s really the touch of a button (sorry for the let down on your imagination). I popped my head out the church door (where no one was standing) and yelled WE HAVE A POPE! WE HAVE A POPE! and then came back in, feeling like I could run laps.
2.**Male readers here is your warning – this next awkward/awesome has to do with an annual female physical exam, so skip over if you don’t want to read about that **
Of course, the DAY THE POPE GETS ELECTED is the same day that I finally, finally, finally, had the courage to go to my (my first ever) annual exam with the gyno (I know. I know. I’m 22 and married and this should have been done a long time ago, but I’m a big chicken so sue me). So I’m waiting for the pope to come out onto the balcony, but he’s praying and clearly in no rush to come out and reveal his identity to the world before my appointment. So I tear myself away from the live stream online to drive out to base for my exam. I’m driving, listening to Catholic Radio on full blast, trying to make it to the base clinic where I know there is a TV that I can watch in the waiting room…I get to the waiting room, and luckily I had the usual 20 something minute wait. I told the receptionist I was hoping to see the Pope and to be in no rush on getting me back for my appointment. So I’m sitting there, on the edge of my seat, tears in my eyes because I’m emotional like that, and FINALLY the cardinal comes out to announce WHO the Pope is. But he was speaking in Latin, and since I dropped my Latin class after half of a semester, I didn’t really know what he was saying. But it was exciting nonetheless. Finally gathered that he was from Buenos Aires, and finally someone revealed his name in – Cardinal Jorge Bergoglio. And then I’m pulled back for my appointment. (FREAKING OUT FOR MULTIPLE REASONS).
So Ashlie, hey, remember back in 2013 when Pope Francis – The FIRST Pope from the Americas, the FIRST Jesuit Pope – was elected? Where were you during that monumental moment in history?
Oh, me? I was getting a pap smear.
So here’s what was happening while I was in the stirrups.
3. I’m dog sitting currently. Yes, I ashlie. Sitting dogs. They belong to a lovely family from our parish, and I am happy to watch them despite my non-pet ways. And they’re really very easy, happy dogs. So I’m prepping Henry to go out for his potty time, and the door was barely open a crack and somehow he managed to get outside and started SPRINTING DOWN THE STREET. It is still icy here. I am wearing flats. And I am on my way to go teach a Theology of the Body class in about 40 minutes. HENRY, I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR YOUR SHENANIGANS GET BACK HERE RIGHT NOW! So, I start running after him…through the neighbors yards….around someone’s car….up and down the sidewalk…trying to use my nice voice but it’s not really happening….and then after this little game of tag, he just runs back to the house.
4. After the almost-kind-of-runaway dog incident, I drive off to Pita Pit to grab Josh and I a quick dinner before TOB class. I pull into the drive through, and I’m digging for my wallet. Um. Not in there, but the lady is already speaking to me over the intercom. I get nervous and lose the ability to string full sentences together. “Um, I’m thinking. Uh…hold on – looking. I left my wallet. I come back.” I drive forward just past the window where you pick up your food. And I think, maybe it’s in my duffel bag. Lo and behold, there it is. So instead of driving around and trying to take a left on Washington (which always takes forever and makes me nervous) I just put the car in reverse, checking every 2 seconds that a car was not coming into the drive through…and backed it up, backed it up, backed it up. And proceeded to order my Pitas. Don’t know if they have cameras. Don’t know if anyone saw me in the parking lot next door. I pretended like there wasn’t and I backed it up…kinda like this lady:
5. Today I am going to go get my hair trimmed at a new place. Hair trims almost always make me happy. Unless they turn out bad. Then not so happy. But I have a good feeling about this one, since Becca recommended the stylist.
And that’s that.