So this morning I woke up and felt like I needed to dance to pump myself up for the day(try it). I turned on Pandora’s Today’s Hits Playlist and started stretching and dancing. After a few songs, The Script came on and it wasn’t really danceable so I went over to my computer to change it. I’ve never really listened to The Script other than what I’ve heard on the radio, so I don’t really know anything about their music…but when I went to change the song I saw that the title of the album was Science and Faith. I opened youtube and found the song and decided to give it a listen. Here’s why.
I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this on the blog, but I’m taking a class called Knowledge, Truth and Reality. We have only three books for the class: A Beginner’s Guide to Reality by Jim Baggot, The Grand Design by Stephen Hawking and our last book is When Science Meets Religion by Ian Barbour. The class explores the question, what is reality? Of course our first book heavily referenced The Matrix (Yes, Josh and I did use that as an excuse to rent the trilogy from the library) and the idea of going “down the rabbit hole” into Wonderland to challenge our assumed perceptions of what is real. Baggott did this by recounting ancient philosophies and moving up through modern movements of thought. The second half of Beginner’s Guide looked more into science, particularly quantum physics, which lead us into Hawking. Our discussions continued to revolve around physics and eventually string theory as well. Although the workload is very reasonable and class is only 2 hours a week, it has exhausted me. Especially at first. The books and the class discussions have challenged me, stirred up doubts and sometimes even caused some emotional and spiritual pain. Especially during the first month or so, I could sense my class members had their defenses up against me. I know that if people reject me for what I believe, it is because they rejected our Lord first. But I felt like they were rejecting God because of me. I felt like they rejected Jesus because I wasn’t effectively communicating His love and mercy, and I couldn’t stand the thought of that. I felt stuck, I felt like I couldn’t speak and yet that I also needed to speak the Truth. I’m starting to realize that this is spiritual attack, and the less I worry about it the more I’m able to love my classmates….but I’ve still been wrestling with the doubts within my soul, even questioning God’s existence. I know deep within me that He is real, but that seed of doubt kept trying to spring up and choke out my trust…
One thing I noted though. Thus far, none of the books have talked about love. It is all about the mind, logic, cosmos, evolution, strings, quarks, physical realities…which are overall good things to explore and think about. Perhaps my classmates would say that love cannot be trusted as a reality because it is a feeling, a chemical produced in the brain. I cannot accept that. Mother Theresa didn’t help dying people in the streets because of a chemical in her brain. Saint Francis didn’t hand over all he owned to become like the poor because of some evolutionary purpose. A person doesn’t become a religious brother, sister or priest because they are genetically predisposed to embrace a life obedience, poverty and chastity. It is because of the greatest Love of all time.
On Wednesday a person in my class posed a question about the God of the Gaps theory, the idea that as science explains more and more there is less need for God to “fill in the gaps.” This lead to the question, if we are eventually able to uncurl the dimensions of the universe and examine the smallest of particles, and we still do not find God, then where is he? What is God made of?
What He is made of is Love. You can’t see love under the lens of a microscope or by running it through a double slit experiment. What love is made of is invisible, at least in this life. But you can see love when someone chooses the good of another over themselves, when a person lays down their life for someone else. It is in selflessness and sacrifice that you witness the great act of true love.